I am feeling so sad, drained and defeated today. I don’t even know what I am going to or want to do anymore. Feeling like I just want to walk away from all this negativity and toxicity in my life. Feel like I HAVE to for my own sanity. I know what I have been thru the past 14 months has taken years off my life. The stress and heartache.
I called my lawyer last night. Waiting on a call back. Supposed to have a trial in 8 days? I have no clue what is going on. I am so beaten up at this point. I honestly don’t know that I can physically, mentally or emotionally go through another hearing. Every time I enter that court room, I feel like I am in the twilight zone. This Judge is so clueless it scares me. He has allowed such abuse (contempt, alienation and control) to go on for so long. He is allowing my daughter’s future to be ruined not to mention the loving relationship she once had with her mother. He has no clue how our life was for the first 11 years of my daughters life. He never has “time” to hear my testimony, never cares to question my ex-husband (aka: the police officer) about his contempt and could care less about all the contempt, retaliation, brainwashing and coaching.
In my and others opinions, he has abused his discretion horribly and allowed this to go on so long it should be criminal in my opinion – what he has allowed to happen. A slow, day by day destruction of a mother and daughter’s bond over a 14 month period. Allowing a police officer trained interrogator father and his therapist wife to slowly day by day break my little girl down and turn her against me.
This judge has never held my ex-husband responsible for any of his actions, including lying under oath and keeping a little girl from her mother time and time again (visits, calls, holidays). I have begged and begged for help. I try to say things from my seat in the court room because if I don’t – the judge sure won’t ask the right questions. But, the judge could care less. He has ruled in the male cop’s favor every single time we have stepped in his court room – no matter what the issue is – he wins every single time. Starting to see how true that ABC Action News story on him was. I have lived it over and over again for the past 14 long months.
All I know is I am sad and beaten down and now I see why parents just give up and walk away. The family court is not about the family or the children. What is really sad? You can get thousands of people to sign a petition for a lost dog but can’t even get 100 people to sign a petition for a little girl who was kidnapped from her mother. No-one cares. I guess they don’t have too. But it would be nice if they did. Hold on, phone ringing.
Lawyer just called. She said I am going to trial because she won’t let me give up. I am, as usual, in tears. I just don’t know that I can handle it. Every single time I go in that man’s courtroom I get beaten down and I lose. I just don’t know I can keep doing that to myself. I am so sad today.