Long day. I had my 8 hour “public” visit with my daughter today. I think it went well. We went shopping, I took her to Dunkin Donuts (she did not even ask her dad but instead waited for me because she knows I have a hard time saying NO to her) and then we saw a movie. It is hard to stay in public all day. Especially when neither one of us was feeling too great today. No place to “lay” down and relax. People have no idea the stress this puts on a parent. Being made to feel like some sort of horrible mother because my daughter and my relationship has suffered due to alienation. The only issues I have with my daughter are 1. her normal “almost 13” moodiness and 2. the strain and toll from 14 straight months of insidious, day to day manipulation and alienation. I think this “public” visit also makes my daughter feel weird. She is now going to feel “responsible” for all of this one day. She has no clue as a brain washed 12 year old that when she told the Judge that we have not been getting along lately what huge impact that would have on our “legal case”. If I had been allowed to SPEAK at my last hearing, I would have told the Judge of my concern. But he could care less what I have to say. I tried not to cry at drop off, but today was not one of my best days. I have been holding back so long and I just needed her to know “a little” of how I am feeling too. Moms try so hard to be strong all the time. But, we are human. I thought she got upset with me so I sent her a message on FB telling her how much I love her. For the first time in a long time she sent me a message back that said “I love you too and miss you so much mom :(“. With a sad face!!! It’s been a long time since I have seen the sad face. I can’t tell you how that tiny little symbol made me feel. Like maybe I got thru to her a little bit tonight?? Just maybe a tiny little bit?? I burst into tears when I saw it and thanked GOD. It is unreal as an alienated mom what small thing will make me now burst into tears, drop to my knees and thank GOD. When I see people complain about their kids, I get so upset. They have NO idea the HELL I am and have been living. I am so thankful for all my friends and the support of not only friends but even strangers who have reached out to me. I don’t know where I would be today without all of the support I have received from others. I have no family so my friends are my family. And now, I feel close to so many other moms (or fathers) who are experiencing or have experienced this HELL of parental alienation (condoned by the courts).