Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.
— Sir Winston Churchill
I am so close to wanting to give up today. I hate these days. Most of the time, I try so hard to stay positive. Hoping every day that today will be the day that my daughter will reach out to me. But she doesn’t. I have received maybe 3 calls in 4 months. Even when she promises to call me, she never does. I just want her to miss me. I just want my little girl back. I don’t even recognize this little girl when I do get to see her for a few hours here and there. She is not the same. I feel like I have lost my daughter forever. I hate these nights. When I feel so alone. So sad. Grieving the little girl that I lost and will probably never get back. The pain and sadness is unbearable at worst and heartbreaking at best. I wish she missed me more. I wished she loved me more. I wish she understood. I wish things were different. I wish the truth would come out. I wish this Judge would educate himself on what has happened here and make the right and LEGAL decision going forward. It makes me sick that family law judges do not have to follow the law and have such abusive discretion of power. Allowing their own personal beliefs and values to rule their decisions versus strictly what the law says. What he has allowed to happen by allowing this to go on for so long and be delayed for so long. I have 3 contempt motions alone filed from September 2012 thru April 2013 which have STILL not been heard and now likely NEVER will be since we are already in trial mode. The Judge could have stopped this Parental Alienation and contempt and self-help a long time ago but he did not care. He is buddy buddy with my ex-husband – the police officer – and treats him with kid gloves in court. The lawyers will only work your case diligently if they know there is money coming in. Single moms like me don’t usually have a lot of money. This family court system destroys relationships. It is sickening. Money talks and broke parents lose in family court. You get as much justice as you can AFFORD. I honestly don’t know what I am going to do anymore. I am so so so sad tonight. I feel like I just want to run away. Far far away.