HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Today is the best and yet also the saddest day of my life. It is my daughter’s birthday. The best day because my only child, my beautiful daughter, was born today. The saddest day because I do not get to spend her birthday with her again. I avoid her Facebook page because it hurts me to see that she has spent her birthday weekend with a father who was never there for her in the past and a brand new step-family instead of me – the mother who raised her alone since birth for the first 11 years of her life. I sent her numerous messages via ooVoo and Facebook over the weekend but no response. I tried calling her today and also sending more messages and texts but still no response. I still cannot believe that it has now been almost 18 months since my beautiful daughter was kidnapped out of school by her father and his brand new wife. It does not even seem real to me that something like this could happen. 18 months that I have now been grieving daily for the loss of my daughter in my life, berated and raked over the coals by a biased Judge, alienated from my child by a spiteful ex-husband and his new wife (who seems abnormally invested in alienating my daughter from me), begging lawyers to help me fight for my only child and abused in general by a corrupt and horribly flawed family court system. Sometimes, I don’t even know how I am still standing. There are days I could not even get out of bed from the sadness and grief. There are still days that I can’t even imagine a life without my daughter in it and I just don’t know how to move forward. Going from full time mom for 11 years to nothing literally overnight has been intolerable. It took me a year before I could even drive past a Dollar Tree store (one of my daughter’s favorite stores) without bursting into tears. PTSD? I have not been able to spend her last 2 birthdays with her and it truly breaks my heart. I could have never in a million years imagined 18 months ago that this would be my life right now. I miss planning her fun birthday parties and spending time with her and her friends. I can never replace the time that has been stolen from us. The happy memories that have been stolen from us. The close and loving mother / daughter relationship that has been stolen from us. Today, I pray that she has a happy day and is safe and healthy. I pray that she knows how much I love her and miss her. I pray that she loves me and misses me too. In my eyes, she will always be that 3 pound 6 ounce little preemie baby that I brought home from the hospital the minute she hit 4 pounds. My little peanut. My little angel. My girl. Happy Birthday K. Your mama loves you and misses you terribly  ❤

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6 thoughts on “HAPPY BIRTHDAY

  1. It took me more than a year before I could watch the French videos & listen to the French music & other music I especially listened to with my daughter after she was cut out of my life. It’s criminal to be out of your child’s life — for both you & them. I would NEVER do that to a child or to even a parent (or any family member) who had never been in there life or paid child support. I pray someone who can will intervene. I felt like I was going to have a breakdown this weekend. I burst out crying at drill when a fellow female sergeant asked me about my home situation. I told her many moms are suffering. =(

    • It really psychologically tears us up. I don’t think I will ever fully recover from this damage. It should absolutely be criminal. That is what I say also – I would never and have never “purposefully” and “intentionally” gone out of my way to hurt someone like this. It just blows my mind really. I can’t wrap my brain around it. I just can’t. I feel so sad for my daughter, for myself and for the other moms (and dads) out there like myself who I know are suffering every single day. It truly makes me sick.

  2. Reblogged this on Moms' Hearts Unsilenced and commented:
    Please pray for all moms & their kids who are missing out on birthdays — on each other’s life. Share the truth: Many loving moms are also missing their kids who are taught to devalue them because of an abusive ex-husband’s desire for control & possession.

  3. If I didn’t know you and what you are going through, I would never believe that this type of thing is even possible in this country. I am crushed for you, Karen. As your friend, I know what pain and absolute devastation you are going through. I know how much you love, miss, and need KJ. I know she loves you. As a mom, I know how tortured I would be in your shoes. Continually praying for you and KJ, for justice, and for this broken system to get their act together and do the right thing; bring your girl back to you. Love you bunches. XOXO Tangi

  4. My heart hurts for you I understand your pain. Keep strong , keep loving and stay true to the beautiful person you are. There are things that you have no control over sadly. The things you have control over are being positive and loving in the best way you can in intolerable circumstances. Write down your love, say your thoughts on paper, one day you will be able to give them to your angel. We are blocked from so much by sad and frightened people who do not even understand the meaning of the word love, its a mystery to them and that’s why they can behave the way they do. You are in my prayers Never ever lose faith x

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