The day after …..

Why am I more depressed today than I was yesterday? Yesterday was my only daughter’s 13th birthday. Yet I seem even more depressed today. I think it is because I had some “hope” yesterday that she would call me back at some point. But she never did. I had locked myself in my bedroom last night with the doors shut so I could hear her good just in case that call came. But it never did. It has been chilly, rainy, cloudy and gray all day today. That definitely does not help. I talked and cried to the dogs for awhile who all sweetly stared at me while I blabbered. I ate some chicken soup, drank some OJ and took my multi-vitamin with all the extra B’s. Hoping this will help with the cold I have and give me at least a little bit of energy. Right now, I have none. I keep seeing my daughter log on and off her ooVoo account all day. I don’t know if she is home or at school? School does not have internet access (wifi) so I assume she is at home. Why is she online again during a school day? Is she sick? This happened several days last week too. It makes me worry. Yet, I assume she is OK as she sent me a very brief response text message last night saying she was sorry for not calling me and would call me this morning. Of course, that call never came either. I keep hoping she will reach out to me if she is online, but she doesn’t. I just don’t know how I am supposed to move forward with my life without my daughter. How am I supposed to do that?! I am so depressed today and I just don’t know how I will ever feel better. I am sure everyone is sick of listening to me. I know I am sick of listening to myself. I feel like such a burden. What am I supposed to do now? I guess, as I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks and sadness washing over my soul, I am looking for a sign from a higher power to tell me what to do from here …. the day after. But I am just not seeing it.

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6 thoughts on “The day after …..

  1. I had & have those feelings. Karen, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The pain — it doesn’t go away. The insanity of extreme Parental Alienation is a burden. It’s affected my life, & even my body — it has caused such depression that I’ve been in physical pain. I burst out in tears at work, in the grocery store, the park, restaurants… I should be able to share my life WITH MY DAUGHTER. & I feel like a burden — even a poison at times to others because my pain is so great. I fear for my daughter’s safety, well-being, emotional health, & I have good reason to, but I can’t help her because of a corrupt system or simply those who don’t care. “Help me, help me!” I often find myself thinking. I think of dying for relief. Some days are better than others. Some moments are much easier than others. There is joy at times, but the cloud of this tragedy never ever leaves. Someone, please help me. Help my child, please, somehow, some way…. This happened to my former mother-in-law. She had no support or knowledge of Parental Alienation. How did she survive? She did. She does.

    • I am so sad for you too. I am the same as you. I have moments of fun or happiness. But that is all it is. A moment here or there. Not true joy or happiness. I feel like I will never know that again. I don’t know why we are being subjected to such “cruel” behavior and why they are “allowed” to get away with it. I pray that they have to pay the price some day. I really do. I am so sorry that you are also in so much pain, Donna. You are right. It does not get better 😦

  2. Karen, this just breaks my heart. When I think about how someone can steal a child and get away with it and then deliberately rip you out of her life, I want to kill him and all of those involved. You are not and never will be a burden. We are all hurting with you and we will surround you now and always with love and strength to go on.

  3. I understand your words so well I wish I could help. have lost 4 of my 8 children to this sadness. They have all been given the ‘choice’ at age 11 by my ex, basically him or me. Unconditional love versus conditional – its a no brainer really. The children know and have had illustrated to them repeatedly through the years that I will always be for them no matter what, they witnessed what happened to their older siblings when they had a relationship with me – total excommunication by their father – he now barely even acknowledges their existence. My oldest alienated child will be 18 this month – the twins 16 in April that’s a lot of missed birthdays etc. I have been issued with suicide threats from one of them if they have to have any contact with me , and I have been accused of the most hideous crimes by 2 yet still I have hung tight to loving them from a distance. Only now are there some minute glimmers of hope. My eldest alienated child is devoting every effort he can to getting to Uni. Once he has space, time and freedom to think for himself he can start to piece his world together. He knows I have loved him gently and with understanding. Its taken every ounce of strength and courage that I possess, it may not even pay off I don’t know, but I will never stop trying because they are worth it. Please take the time to cherish yourself you are worth it and you need some peace to rebuild your strength, I know as I have been in your position many times over the last 7 years. This is not your problem its someone else’s – they cannot love you can , its hard but its a blessing I would hate to be as cruel as they are its their curse not yours. God bless you and your daughter

    • Thank you Ruth. I am so so sorry for your situation as well. I cannot believe there are so many of us out there hurting and suffering. I had no idea. We need to all keep speaking up and speaking out to educate the public and the courts and to help support each other ❤

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