Gone but not forgotten ….

caution famil court ahead

Tonight I am sad. My 13 year old daughter has not responded to any of my texts on ooVoo the last few days. The only time she responded was on Friday night when she had a random question for me about someone I used to date and she got angry because I did not answer the question properly. The truth was, I was scared that her father – the abusive alienator – was behind the question so I was not sure “how” to answer her question out of fear and anxiety. This is what life has become. I have to question even the simplest of random questions now for fear the abusive alienator is behind them, scheming and plotting. I have been trying to reach my daughter for almost a month now. I know nothing about her life from the last month. Nothing. It hurts me that she does not want to share any of her life with me. That she would rather share it with the abusive alienator and his new wife. She is online all the time so it is not as if she cannot reach out to me. It used to be that way in the past. The first 8 months or so after she was kidnapped out of school – and yes, sweet pea, there IS such a thing as parental kidnapping – she constantly tried to reach out to me and they stopped her and retaliated against her for talking to me, for telling me things, for contacting me and opening up to me. No-one cared. The Judge did not care. The Lawyers did not care because I did not have enough money to fight it in court. The abusive alienator does not have to strong arm her and physically control her anymore (ie: closely monitor her phone calls, IPOD and computer 24/7) as he used to do because after 18 long months of unfettered, severe parental alienation, she is now completely under his control. Sadly, she does not even realize this. She is unaware that she has been completely used as a pawn and manipulated over the past 18 months (slowly, little by little, day by day, insidiously) in order to hurt, abuse and mistreat me. She does not understand her father’s vindictiveness and the level of hate he has towards me. That he would do anything to destroy me – emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. She appears to have forgotten all of the things that her father – the abusive alienator – and his equally abusive alienating wife has done. To her. To me. In her quest to SURVIVE the kidnapping, retaliation and alienation, she has forgotten or swept under the rug all of the strong arm tactics used by her father and his new wife in the beginning. I could not get any relief or justice through the courts and she sadly gave up after awhile. I don’t blame her one bit. I gave up too. I gave up on this corrupt family court system. But, I will never give up on her.  I believe that after awhile it was just much easier for her to go with the abusive alienators flow then try to continue having a relationship with me – the mother who raised her. She has been told numerous lies about me. That I am mentally unstable. That she was not kidnapped. That I left her and don’t care. That if I cared about her, I would have moved back. That I think I am the “victim” when I am not. She has been told all these things by the abusive alienator and his wife, over and over. They don’t have to say these things anymore because she is under their complete control now. So, of course, when the Judge asked her if they had done all of these things, she said NO and my heart broke.

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That is the product and end result of unfettered parental alienation over the course of 18 straight months. It is child abuse. She may truly not remember the things they have said and done or she may have just given up. I don’t blame her and I hope she knows that. She is the true victim in all of this. Just a child who has been used and abused by a horribly selfish father, equally selfish grandparents and a corrupt family court system that is driven by the almighty dollar.

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The alienators are all delighted that she no longer reaches out to me. They are delighted that they were able to delay and manipulate this entire case over the past 18 months until the point that I had no choice but to give up and walk away. They are happy to have cut her mother out of her life. They are thrilled that the Judge was so cruel to me and totally biased to her father – the abusive alienator – because he is a police officer. My daughter does not know any of this. She does not know that our Judge is so horrid that ABC Action News even published an article on him in the newspaper and online for being completely unprofessional and biased in the court room towards women victims of domestic violence. Treating the victim like the criminal instead of the other way around. She does not know any of this. She thinks her dad has her right now because he is “right” and I am “wrong”. Just as he has told her. I can’t clarify any of that to her because then I would be discussing “court” and I would be in contempt. I can only pray that one day she sees the truth. That she becomes educated on the research that has been done regarding the effects of parental alienation on children. I love you sweet pea, always and no matter what. You are not to blame. I will always be here for you.

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daughter

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5 thoughts on “Gone but not forgotten ….

  1. It is tragic that the courts aid in “the worst form of child abuse” by sending a message to the child that lies, manipulation & psychological abuse “wins”. In the memoir The Parentectomy, author Kimber Adams said she thought it was too difficult for her children to have to dismiss their feelings for her, their mother, as soon as they had to go back to their dad. This seems to have happened in my situation, too. My daughter’s hate makes no sense. Her dad is full of anger & is adept at making you believe he’s the one being taken advantage of (Heather Kent said her alienating father did this as well) and that the difficult situation you’re having to deal with is never his fault, but someone else is always to blame. Alienating parents will complain about money troubles and tell the child they’d get to have more if it weren’t for their other parent. My ex blamed his business partners for not having more money the entire time we were married. He also constantly said his assistant was taking advantage of his generosity and was not earning her salary. Yet he maintained the situation like a martyr. He was good at playing martyr. Anything he did for you was for control and done with resentment at some time. Anger seeped through his pores. I believe he will never stop trying to destroy me in all the ways you mentioned with your daughter’s “father.” I can understand why kids would give up and align with an alienating parent just like spouses of domestic abuse or kidnap victims or child soldiers or bullied kids.

    • My daughter has also told me that she does not talk about me and the fun things we do at her father’s house because he just looks at her and walks away. Giving her the “sign” that it is not important, invited, OK, you get the picture. She said it makes her “feel bad” so she just does not speak of me anymore. Yet, at my house, she was always telling me things about her, her step-sister, the new baby, and on and on. I would express interest and support and laughter at the funny things she would tell me. Why could he not do the same at his house? To let her know it is OK to love her mom and share? However, would she tell this to the Judge now after all this time? Doubtful. SO what are we left to do? Us moms? Suffer in silence knowing the abuse they are getting away with? For a long time, that is what I did. Until I started this BLOG. The professionals don’t find it odd that we once had extremely close and loving relationships with our daughters that almost overnight turned bad? And when we try to educate them on why (Parental Alienation) they turn a deaf ear. No accountability in the courts. They are just as much ABUSERS as our ex-husbands.

  2. Reblogged this on Moms' Hearts Unsilenced and commented:
    The plight of mothers and daughters when an obsessive hater is given free reign to abuse by the family court system. The alienating parent’s behavior is not rational, but that does not mean it’s not real and that it shouldn’t be stopped immediately by all those who have the power to save a child and a family from an abuser. Psychological abuse is just as damaging, if not more so, than physical abuse. No normal parent would want to cut his child’s mother out of her life.

    • My children’s father has been telling anyone who will listen for 7 years now that I am crazy, and that includes my children. Overnight I went from “you’re a great mom” to this. He hasn’t seemed to be able to get past the end of our marriage, and I guess it’s the only explanation he can handle. I’ve not seen my daughter in a full year now. With her being 13, I knew it was pointless to try the courts, even if I believed I’d get a fair chance, and I had no money anyway. My older teen lives with me now, and is slowly beginning to see that I’m not what he was told, and that gives me the hope to cling to. I won’t ever give up, but I’ve had to let go of thinking there will be a quick solution. I can only hope she knows how much I love her, and that she can remember the good times – there were so many good times. Writing here is risking that she will see me online talking about alienation and get angry (she has heard this word from me, back when we still were together, back when she was being told I was spying on her, and so on). But angry is okay, as long as she sees that I’m not giving up on her. Hold on loosely. I send notes and things that remind me of her, but not too often because I don’t want to annoy her too much. I just want her to know I’m here, loving her, and with an open door. Good luck to all of us.

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