I never even got to see her face ……..

prayer

I am heartbroken. Please say this prayer for me today. I have been trying to reach out to my 13 year old daughter for a month now. All I have received is a short text here or there in response to mine. She never reaches out to me first. She has called me one time since I last saw her on 1/25/2014. I was just texting her on ooVoo and also sending her messages on Facebook a few minutes ago asking if I could video call her and she said I could. I went back and forth with texts and messages to her – trying to pin down a time with her. She blew most of them off even though I could see that she was online and reading them. She finally responded again and told me that I could call her in 3 minutes. I got so excited. I ran to the mirror and fixed my hair. I wanted to look “good” for the call. I watched the clock for exactly 3 minutes so I would not call too early or too late. I was so desperate for the call.

But, once again, I got my hopes up only to get crushed. I called her 3 or 4 times, no answer. Once it looked like she cancelled my call from her end before even answering it. So, I texted and sent her messages on Facebook again letting her know that I tried calling. She responded that she was sorry but she was doing homework. Ahhh, that is the standard excuse. Always the “homework”. I told her that was OK and I only wanted to talk to her for a minute just to see how she is because I have not talked to her in so long and I miss her so much. I told her this so she would know that I would not interrupt her homework too much. No response. I tried again and again. She finally answered but all I saw was the new baby in the background and my daughter’s shirt. I asked her “what are you doing” and she said “I am changing P*****”.

Ahhh, babysitting the new half baby sister again. Her father’s “do-over”, “second chance” later in life baby. The chance to “do it right” now that he has passed the age of 40. All I could see was a blur and then I heard her say “ewwww, this is messy” and “Mom, can I call you back later”?. I said “of course” in a fake happy voice. I never even got to see her face. Guess taking care of a new half-sibling is time consuming. I hear through the grapevine that she cares for the new baby a lot. But, what about the homework? I also heard her new, same age step-sister giggling in the background. They are fast friends now. But hated each other for the first year.

I guess my daughter has adjusted after 18 months of isolation from me and immersion in them. PARENTAL ALIENATION.

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Needless to say, she has not called me back. I guess I can put my hair back up in the scrunchie bun. I don’t need to look good anymore. I doubt there will be a return call and I don’t dare get my hopes up again. At least here in South Carolina, I don’t have to deal with her father’s abuse and nasty emails and text messages as often. And, I don’t have the weekly pain and heartache of having only a few hours worth of a public visit with her only to have to return her back to him. That is, if he let me have my visit that day. If I am going to be cut out of her life in every way a mother can be, then I may as well do that from South Carolina.

Today, I saw a screenshot of my daughter’s Facebook account. I am not friends with her on Facebook due to the grief from her father. However, she is apparently friends with her step-mother on Facebook. The step-mother wrote a post tagging my daughter and her own 3 kids on Valentines Day saying how “they” love “their kids” and to have a happy Valentines Day. She also got her typical “religious” on by talking about wishing them blessings, etc. If they “loved” her and truly believed in God, would they cut her mother out of her life and drag us both through the mud as they have and still are doing? Hypocrisy at its finest. Funny, I did not even get to speak to my daughter on Valentines Day. Or her Birthday. Or any other day this past month. Is that them showing her love? Is that them showing her all about God and his blessings? That sure is an interesting religion. One hides behind a BADGE and the other hides behind GOD. And when did MY daughter become HER “kid”. Oh, that’s right. When my ex decided 18 months ago that I was no longer her mother.

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This is my life on a daily basis. Hopes crushed. Sadness. Grief. Tears. Hopelessness. Fear. Defeat. I love you, KJ. No matter what.

I LOVE MY DAU ONE

Love, your Mama

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3 thoughts on “I never even got to see her face ……..

  1. Last night I came across this. I could only give it a glance because my eyes had just landed on a photo I had taken of my (now severely alienated)daughter looking so carefree.

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