Bonjour!!! I have not been on the blog much lately. Lots of other things going on right now with relocating to South Carolina and trying to get settled, working and organized here. Praying to find a JOB soon so I can start paying off all these legal fees. Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent.
This brings up yet another painful memory for me of the emotional abuse and belittling my sweet daughter has had to endure at the hands of her father’s new wife since her kidnapping. It hurts me that I have been unable to protect my daughter the way I have wanted too because my hands have been tied behind my back by a corrupt court.
I remember very clearly my daughter calling me around Ash Wednesday of 2013 and being upset. This was approximately 6 months after her father, and his brand new pregnant wife, kidnapped her out of school This was before total Parental Alienation Syndrome had set it. At that time, my daughter was still missing me terribly, crying to me and begging to come home despite her father and his new pregnant wife punishing her every single time she spoke out about this fact. I am so proud of her because she held on to her own thoughts, feelings and truth as long as she could back then as an innocent 11 year old. But this particular call, I remember asking her what was wrong and she said that her father’s new pregnant wife had asked all the children (her two and mine) what they were going to give up for Lent. This new wife is real big on publicizing to everyone how “Christian” she is despite the obvious hypocrisy between her lifestyle (sending nasty emails to the mother of her new boyfriend’s daughter without even knowing her; constantly instigating and inserting herself into someone else’s custody battle and hurting an innocent child in the process; having multiple live in boyfriends in the presence of her impressionable, young daughter and teen-age son; living with one man while dating and getting pregnant by another; having unprotected, pre-marital sex with a man you barely know and getting pregnant by this man after only knowing him 6 months; assisting in the kidnapping of a child and isolating that child from her mother with no regard to the trauma this would cause the child or the child’s mother; using a vulnerable child as a pawn by unethically taking the child to her friend and business partner for so-called therapy as a means to help her new husband win a custody scheme; walking around the house with no bra and her implants and nipples sticking out in front of all the children in the home including her teen-age son and his friends; drinking alcohol while pregnant; talking bad about a child’s mother to her; etc.) and that of a true Christian. I think this woman needs to look up the definition of a Christian again before using the Bible as a shield for all of her disgusting behaviors. Back to the question. My daughter answered this Christian woman’s question about what to give up for Lent out loud with an innocent and unassuming child’s answer of “I am not sure what I should give up for Lent. What should I give up?” – to which the new pregnant wife replied “I know. You could give up getting upset and over-reacting and crying all the time”. Understandably, my daughter’s feelings were very hurt at this unprovoked, needless, snide remark. I asked her if she had told her father, to which she replied “No, because he never takes my side and he will get mad at me and I will just get in trouble if I say anything about her.” This was very typical in the first year. My daughter knew she had to bottle up her feelings and thoughts or she would be punished and retaliated against. Especially if those thoughts and feelings were about being hurt in that home, loving her mother and/or wanting to go home to her mother.
This is how the Parental Alienation Syndrome began. My daughter kidnapped out of school. Completely isolated from her mother. Immediately taken to therapy with the new wife’s friend and business partner for special “brainwashing” therapy and a helpful letter to the court on their behalf – without including me in the so called therapy. Bad mouthing me to our daughter. Retaliating towards our daughter for any love she expressed to me including yelling, arguing, taking away her IPOD (her only means of communicating privately with me) for months on end, limiting and listening in to our phone calls, obstructing our contact; cancelling our visits or scheduling other plans for her during our visitation (movies, errands, trips to the store, homework, dinner, family movie night, shower time, friend’s houses, parties, church group, dance class …. ) and phone time repeatedly, refusing to allow us to video chat and maintain our bond. The list could really go on forever at this point but describing 18 straight months of non-stop alienation and abuse would be impossible in one blog. Perhaps I will put the rest of it in the BOOK or Lifetime Movie script.
Back to the remark regarding Lent. Why would this Christian woman make this uncaring remark to my daughter? Has she no feelings? This is a child who was kidnapped from the mother who raised her for her entire life and now has had her entire world change overnight. In addition to that, this is a child who has been physically and emotionally restrained from loving and contacting her mother day after day after day. Then you, as a Christian woman, instead of having compassion for this child – you punish her for having moments where she gets upset? Did it occur to you that she is an 11 year old child trying to adjust to living in a whole new environment? Having to now live with an abusive father who was never involved in her life for the past 11 years, having to live with a brand new pregnant wife and her two children whom she did not get along with, living in a new home, eating different foods, wearing different clothes, going to a new school, having to adjust to no longer having a mother in her life and having to adjust to the fact that her father impregnated yet another new girlfriend after only knowing her for a few months? After all, the man was just engaged to and living with a different married woman and impregnated her only a few months prior to meeting you Christian woman. Do you think all of this would possibly confuse a child? Set a good example for her? Make her feel comfortable and safe?
Have I mentioned that this Christian woman also works at a Christian Counseling Center as a counselor? A Christian counselor who would do all of the things that I have described above? I will have to save that bit of hypocrisy for another time.
I vividly recall desperately begging the lawyers over and over to address these issues as soon as possible in court. But, I simply did not have the cash, resources and bank account to make my case important or to save my daughter which is what is required in family court. Money = Justice.
I truly encourage others who are in a similar situation to look up the definition of Stockholm Syndrome. It will truly explain a lot in terms of how these children are affected psychologically and why they end up aligning with their kidnappers. There is a lot of research on this topic. I will post some links here and there but please, do the research on Parental Alienation Syndrome so that you can educate yourself and hopefully gain a little more of an understanding and insight. I know that I felt so scared, blind sided, helpless, sad and confused when this whole ordeal began for me and my daughter on August 31, 2012. I wish I had known then what I know now regarding parental alienation which is very traumatic and referred to by many experts as the worst form of psychological child abuse.
So here we are on Ash Wednesday. What will I be giving up for Lent? I am not sure just yet. I am trying hard to remain faithful despite all that has happened. But I do know one thing. I pray that for Lent, my daughter’s father and his new Christian wife will give up their hate, jealousy, insecurity, vindictiveness, spitefulness, pettiness, lying and manipulative, abusive behaviors. I pray they find love and a conscience. I pray that they begin to walk the walk of being a Christian and not just talk the talk. At least for the next 40 days.