So here I am. On a gray, rainy and cold day looking at yet another 14 page Emergency Motion for Contempt to be filed with the court. My lawyer has recently prepared this and wants me to review it so that she can file it. I used to get so excited over these. Because I thought it meant surely change would now happen. Surely, my ex-husband would be held accountable now. Surely, the Judge would now see my ex-husband as clearly as I do. But, this is my 5th one in 18 months. I don’t get excited anymore. Now I just shrug my shoulders and dread even reading it and editing it. What is the point? All it does is remind me how horribly my daughter and myself have been treated by the family court system and how I have no control over it. Besides, as usual, my lawyer has waited so long that it is likely pointless anyhow. We never set hearings on my motions so they usually never even get heard. The one we did set in the past to be heard, my ex-husband cancelled an hour before the hearing saying he could not make it. Knowing that I had driven 1000 miles and taken 3 days off of work to travel and attend. Knowing that I could not afford to do this again. It is the game of Legal Abuse. Abusive ex-spouses know how to manipulate the court system to drag it out and delay accountability. My ex-husband is particularly adept at this since he is a Vice and Narcotics Detective and is very familiar with the court system process. At that time, my lawyer encouraged me just to roll over, give up my contempt motion and make a deal with my ex-husband for the summer. My ex-husband’s lawyer offered that if I dropped my contempt against him, then I could have my daughter for 2 weeks in the summer. Since my lawyer never argued for me to have my daughter for the entire summer like I had begged her too (she never opened her mouth in court), I was now left with a choice – re-set the contempt hearing (and travel and take more days off work) OR see my daughter for 2 weeks in the summer.
Being a desperate mom who missed her child, I took the deal. 2 weeks with my child was more important to me that holding him accountable in court. That is what a mom does. If we do set a hearing, it is usually so far off into the future before we can manage to actually get a hearing that I can’t remember all the details, there are too many details for all to be heard in court or the Judge just plain does not care anymore. Judge’s do not care about what happened last month or last year. They do not care to see the pattern of contempt over a period of time. They should as it reflects the poor character and bad intentions of the alienating parent. This should be important in deciding who gets custody. In fact, it states in the laws of Florida that it IS important and to be considered. But, it is not. Another little myth of family court is that the Judges have to follow the family court laws. Not true. My lawyer was trying to weave one of my other contempt motions in at the first part of our trial which started in December 2013. We did not even have time at the trial for the trial. Why was this contempt not handled prior to trial? Lord knows my ex-husband has been in contempt for 18 straight months. He stopped paying child support, denied me visits, phone calls, holidays and all right of first refusal time. He controlled and interfered constantly. I could go on about the contempt and incompetent representation all day. My ex-husband has a very expensive, bull dog, AV rated, board certified lawyer who knows how to delay, bluff, manipulate the system and aggressively fight for his clients. I could not afford that kind of lawyer. His bull dog lawyer does not care about my little girl being raised by a brand new step mom instead of her own mother. Neither does the Judge. The Judges only care about what happened last week so it is very very very important that your lawyer does not delay drafting motions and setting hearings for you. If they do, it ruins your case. That is what has happened to me. My abusive ex-husband has gotten away with 18 months of emotionally abusive and controlling behavior due to my lawyer not actively filing motions and setting hearings for me. It has not only ruined my court case but also allowed my ex-husband to have more time to continue alienating me from my only daughter and ruining our once close and loving mother daughter relationship. The lawyers do not care. Believe me. Lawyers do not want to draft motions and attend hearings if they are afraid they are not going to get paid for them. Those parents who cannot afford to aggressively defend or fight their case in court, generally lose in family court. And, so does the child. I have a feeling that with the biased Judge I have, it would possibly not matter anyhow. He decided from day one that my motions and my evidence were not important. He decided from day one that he would hand my precious and scared little girl over to her abusive father because he was a police officer and was seen as being above me in importance. This Judge demeaned me and humiliated me in court time and time again. He never did this to my ex-husband, the cop. In fact, he has given my ex-husband complete and total control over me for the last 18 months using my daughter as a tool to hurt me repeatedly. A real treat for a controlling, vindictive, narcissistic abuser like my ex-husband.
This is the truth guys. I am not some horrible, abusive, drug addict, alcoholic, mentally unstable mom who is just bitter that my ex-husband is winning in family court. I was a great mom who raised my daughter alone for the first 12 years of her life. I was good enough then. But for some reason, I am not good enough now. Oh wait. I do know the reason. The reason is because now my ex-husband wants our daughter. 12 years after the fact. A day late and a dollar short. He has a new wife now, a new baby and the child support he used to pay me seems to now be a burden for him and his new stay at home wife. Even though they live in a 3800 square foot home, just bought a brand new SUV and take expensive trips to places like Marco Island and stay in nice resorts. And this reason is clearly good enough for our biased Judge. For almost 18 months I had to sit virtually silent in the court room and never got to state my case or my side or even defend myself against all of the false allegations and lies my ex-husband told about me. It was always HIS motion and HIS hearing and therefore, I could say nothing. I had to wait 18 months until trial which is ludicrous. And even then, my ex-husband got to speak first and I was left with about 2 hours at the end of the day to speak and the Judge interrupted me every 10 seconds and raked me over the coals. He did not interrupt my ex-husband one time. So, now I have to review this new motion of contempt AND we have now added to appoint an alienation expert as well. The alienation expert would have never been needed if my lawyer would have handled my case in an expedient fashion. The alienation would not have been allowed to happen. I can’t afford the expert so I don’t know what will happen. And who knows what they will say? My ex-husband is a very smooth talking and charming person. He lies well – even under oath. He has had a lot of practice. I am just a normal mom. PTA and Girl Scouts kind of mom. I am not a smooth talker. I don’t know how to manipulate the system. I never wanted too. All I wanted was my little girl safe and at home with me, the mom who has raised her. So, I don’t know what will happen with this. And sadly, I am becoming so numb to it and “used to” the abuse that I don’t have the fight in me anymore.