ARE YOU BEING GASLIGHTED???

ARE YOU BEING GASLIGHTED???

 

 

Silence is complicity. Parental Alienation is emotional child abuse and domestic violence (control, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, isolation, bullying, gaslighting, narcissism, hate).

Silence is complicity. Parental Alienation is emotional child abuse and domestic violence (control, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, isolation, bullying, gaslighting, narcissism, hate).

PARENTAL ALIENATION IS EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE

MY DAUGHTER SHOULD NOT GET IN TROUBLE FOR SHOWING ME LOVE. CHILDREN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEIR PARENTS.

Wishing a peaceful and stress free day to all of the alienated mom’s out there tomorrow.

Dear Alienated Mom’s

I can’t and won’t wish you a Happy Mother’s Day because I know that it won’t be. It can’t be a happy day when your child is being kept from you unjustly by a spiteful and hateful ex-husband. No-one can or should expect us to be “happy” about this especially on Mother’s Day – a day meant to celebrate moms all over the world. Especially when most of us will probably not see or even hear from our children.

But what I will wish you is a day that is as peaceful and as stress free as possible. For myself, I am just hoping to actually get a few hours of sleep tonight. I have not slept in weeks. Feel like I am coming down with a cold. Probably just run down. Just can’t seem to turn my brain off these days. Parental Alienation is sheer torture for me. I have a very long drive tomorrow – job interview and court stuff to take care of – and I am just so exhausted.

Praying for peace, strength, love, forgiveness, understanding, clarity, compassion, guidance, tenacity, resolve, insight, support, abundance and justice for all of us. Thank you all (alienated moms and dads) for being there. No-one can understand the pain the way we can.

Love,

K

Loving and capable mothers CAN and DO lose their children to Parental Alienation

Loving and capable mothers CAN and DO lose their children to Parental Alienation

Per Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.

In my experience an alienating parent needs three things: (1) motive to undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent, (2) access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. These are not the sole purview of either gender.

In my particular case, I believe we can definitely check off all 3 items on this list. (1) Vindictive Ex-Husband who wants to “get me back” for everything he perceives I have “done” to him the past 15 years. Ex-Husband got woman he had been dating for 5 months pregnant and had to marry her. Neither he nor new Step-Mom wanted him to continue paying me child support. (2) Full access to child thanks to a biased Family Court Judge who did not follow Florida case law and made decision based solely on finances which is not legal. A Judge who has already been in the news (ABC Action News published a story on him) for treating women domestic violence victims horribly in the courtroom. Demeaning and embarrassing them just as he has done to me every time I set foot in his courtroom. A Judge who makes you feel re-victimized, bullied and abused every time you are before him. In addition, this Judge showed extreme bias to Ex-Husband who is a Law Enforcement Officer. (3) Ex-Husband is a Veteran Vice and Narcotics Law Enforcement Officer who is highly skilled at lying for a living, interrogating violent criminals, bullying and intimidating. Step-Mom is a recently Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at a Christian Counseling Center and has used her skills to coerce and manipulate my vulnerable daughter. Ex-Husband and Step-Mom took my daughter to Step-Moms Friend, Former Co-Worker / Former Business Partner for so-called “counseling” (aka: brainwashing) right after the parental kidnapping of my daughter. Said Counselor / Friend / Former Co-Worker / Former Business Partner subsequently wrote a letter to the court for her Friend / Former Co-Worker / Former Business Partner / Step-Mom painting me in a bad light even though she refused to allow me to participate in said counseling.

 

 

GREAT NEWS!!! WONDERFUL JOB CONNECTICUT!!! FAMILY COURT REFORM IS COMING. JUDGES WILL BE RESTRICTED!!! POOR TRAINING HAS BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED. FAMILY COURT DRIVING PARENTS INTO FINANCIAL RUIN. PRAYING FLORIDA IS NEXT!!!!

GREAT NEWS!!! FAMILY COURT REFORM AND JUDGES RESTRICTED!!! POOR TRAINING ACKNOWLEDGED. DRIVING PARENTS INTO FINANCIAL RUIN. PRAYING FLORIDA IS NEXT!!!!

“On Friday, April 25, 2014, both houses of Connecticut’s legislature unanimously approved a bill that restricts judges in family court matters. Parent who have been unfairly denied access to their children, given restricted access and bankrupted by the court turned out in large numbers to testify in favor of the legislation. The legislation points towards fundamental changes in Connecticut’s family court system.”

 

CLICK LINK ABOVE TO READ ENTIRE ARTICLE

 

Things you can do to show an alienated mom that you care on Mother’s Day … and every day.

   

 

As one would imagine, Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days that an alienated mother goes through. Just like her child’s birthday, holidays and other special events that she is unjustly missing. Memories that can never be replaced. Stolen time.

Don’t forget that these mothers are still moms. Being alienated does not take away the bond that they have with their children. It does not make the love that they have for them disappear. If anything, it has only made their love and fierce desire to protect stronger than ever before.

These moms are courageous, strong, warriors. During their darkest times, they manage to fight through the pain and grief. They struggle to literally get up off the floor, wipe their tears and advocate for not only their children but also for other moms and their alienated children too.

 

These moms should never be forgotten. Not on Mother’s Day or any day. This is a pain that no loving mother should ever have to endure.

You can show you care by doing a few of the following things for these moms. On Mother’s Day or any day.

1. Call them or send them a message just to say that you are thinking of  them on this important and special day and that they are loved. Remind them what a great mother they are. Give them examples. They may or may not feel like talking and that is OK. It is the reaching out that matters.

 

2. Send them a card. Or make one!! They are still moms. Remember, they probably won’t be getting a card from their child. Send them a card letting them know they are a wonderful mom and how you admire them for their strength and courage.

 

3. Invite them to Mother’s Day lunch or dinner. Give them the option to think about it and choose whether they feel they are strong enough to go or not. Leave an open invitation with no pressure. Remember, this day brings up a lot of sad emotions for a mother missing her child. She may want to go and she may not. If she is courageous enough to go, don’t leave her out. Acknowledge her as the great mother that she is.

 

4. Send her flowers. Or drop by and surprise her with some. You can pick some pretty flowers for free or get some inexpensive flowers or plants at the local grocery store. A little something beautiful goes a long way for a loving mother missing her child.

 

5. Treat her to breakfast in bed, a manicure or pedicure. Something that she possibly may have gotten from her child if she had been given the opportunity. Chances are, this is something that she would never do for herself. Remember, she is under a great deal of stress that no-one else but her can understand.

 

These are just some thoughts and ideas. You can get as creative as you want. What would be good for one mom may not be good for another depending on her unique situation and feelings. Use your best judgment. Regardless, showing that you love and care can never be wrong. As they say, it is the thought that counts. And, it counts more than you could ever imagine.

 

 

 

Dear Daughter: Happy Mother’s Day and Yes, I know you love me

 

Dear Daughter:

Another Mother’s Day is fast approaching. Last Mother’s Day, 2013, we were prevented by others from being together on Mother’s Day for the first time in our lives. Despite both of us putting in our best efforts to try and see each other. You tried as hard as I did to make seeing each other possible. We did our best so it is not our fault.

I am afraid that I won’t be able to make the trip to see you this year. I simply don’t have the money to travel this year. To be honest, I am afraid that even if I could afford to travel, others would try to prevent us from being together again.

This would hurt me beyond words. Jumping through hoop after hoop with the hope of being able to see you. Like I did last year. Trying my best to play the game. Being at the mercy of others. Only to be let down. Again and again. Last year shattered my heart and I know it hurt you too. Mother’s Day was supposed to be our special day and I was not even allowed to speak to you.

Daughter, you will learn one day, that there are people in this world that are just not nice. Sometimes these people will be strangers who you don’t even know. Sometimes they will be acquaintences such as co-workers or friends of friends. But, sometimes, they will be people who you love. People who you care about and who are very close to you. Listen to your gut and trust it. If it feels wrong, it is.

People like this are broken inside where you cannot see. They enjoy hurting others and causing them pain. They enjoy playing games and manipulating others feelings. These are people that are insecure, selfish, vindictive and jealous. Sometimes they just have no feelings, empathy or conscious so it does not bother them to hurt someone else.

Know that people such as this are so unhappy with themselves on the inside, even if they appear happy and normal on the outside, that they derive pleasure by manipulating, controlling and hurting others. They feel joy when they cause others pain. I know it is hard to believe this. Especially if it is someone close to us that is causing us this pain. The reason it is hard to believe is because we are not like this at all. So, it is hard for us to understand – or even believe – that someone else could be this way. But, they are.

You have asked me before if I know that you love me. It is usually after we have not been talking or seeing each other. Or, when you don’t call me or respond to my messages for a long time. It is usually after I sometimes get upset because I don’t hear from you and I miss you so badly. And then after I apologize to you for getting upset, you will sometimes reflect on things and then ask me if I know you love me.

I think what you are trying to tell me is that you love me no matter what. That you are aware, deep down, on some level, that what has happened to us is not right and is not OK. That even though you are probably confused and not sure how, why and when everything got so messed up, that you know, deep down in your heart, that it is not normal or OK for a mother and daughter to be separated like this.

What I want you to know, daughter, is that, yes, I do know that you love me. Even if you don’t tell me. Even if you don’t call me. Even if you don’t see me. Even if you don’t respond to my calls, messages and texts. Even if you love and care about others that have hurt me. Yes, I do know that you love me. And, I love you.

I love you even if you don’t tell me that you love me. I love you even if you don’t call me. I love you even if you don’t see me. I love you even if you ignore my calls, texts and messages. I love you even if you say that you have not received my messages, calls and texts when I know that you have. I love you even if you care and love others who have hurt me and made me sad.

Daughter, my love for you is unconditional and always will be. I may not always be the perfect mother, but my love for you IS perfect. I won’t pretend that not seeing you for two Mother’s Day weekends in a row won’t hurt me. It will. It will be a very rough day for me. It will make me very sad that you are once again spending your Mother’s Day weekend with a new step-mother instead of me, the mother who raised you alone since birth. But, I will know that you love me. And, I love you.

How do I move on when I don’t want to move on?

 

I have been so incredibly sad the past few days. The 2nd portion of my trial looms near. Supposed to have a 3 hour hearing in 4 weeks to finish the trial that began in December 2013. Also at this 3 hour hearing we are supposed to squeeze in the contempt hearing that I have been begging lawyers to do for 20 months now that they never did. A total of about $17,000 in lawyer fees so far and still NO contempt hearing in almost 2 years.

 

We are also supposed to “finish” my cross examination from a motion to vacate hearing that I tried to have a year ago in July 2013 (my ex got to speak first as always but I never did – between him and the Judge we always run out of time and I never get the chance to state my side). That hearing was never completed. AND, we are also supposed to try and squeeze in yet another motion that never got heard from November 2013. Another motion to vacate the original “illegal” temporary order from September 2012 – an order which violated all Florida case law. Based on nothing more than finances. Sadly, by then it was a moot point because my ex-husband had succeeded in severely alienating me to the point that my daughter was suddenly saying that she wanted to live with him the “majority” of the time and that she and I had an argument at our last visit and so now she did not want to stay over night with me anymore. At least for now. So I have now been further punished by having “public visits” with her since November 2013. Public visits with a child who is so alienated from me after two years that she does not even view me as a parent anymore. Let’s call it what it is. Parental Alienation is child abuse, bullying and a form of domestic violence.

 

 

 

But yet parents that are involved with child protective services who are alcoholics, drug addicts and who beat their children still HAVE their children. PLUS we are also supposed to have the trial itself at this upcoming 3 hour hearing. Yes, of course this is ridiculous and will never happen. I told my lawyer this many times. That it will never be enough time to properly hear everything and that everything should not be shoved into one final hearing. Not fair to me or my child. But, the lawyers do not care because it is all about the money. It will never be enough time to get all of my testimony and evidence out. But, I am not surprised. Every hearing up until now has been my ex-husbands. He has always been the one to talk and talk while I am forced to sit silent. I thought one day my day would come. I believed in the “system”. Now I realize that in family court, that is not the case. At this final hearing in June, I will have no lawyer. Mine quit because I can’t come up with another $4,000. I have already paid her $10,000 and I am worse off now than I was before I hired her. All I asked of her when I hired her 14 months ago was to do a motion of contempt for me so that my ex-husband could be held accountable and that this parental alienation and emotional abuse of my daughter would stop. She did the motion but never followed through with scheduling a hearing for it. So my worst fears came true. The alienation got worse over time. Chipping away at our once very close and loving mother daughter relationship. Remember, this is a child that I raised alone from birth until almost age 12. With no help from the ex-husband. He was single then and did not care. He did not want the responsibility. Over time, the alienation really began to take its toll. My daughter began rejecting me as she saw that if she did not love me and if she ignored me then she was rewarded for that by being treated much better by her father and her brand new step-mother who she was “temporarily” living with.

 

Temporary order going on 2 years now. During this time I have quit a perfectly good job to move to the city that my daughter is now living in, broke two apartment leases causing thousands of dollars in debt, taken out a car loan on my previously paid off car to pay moving expenses and more lawyer fees, had to relocate for a 3rd time due to not being able to find a new job in the new city. Now I am far away from my daughter, living with a friend in another state, in debt up to my ears and still looking for a job. I know I will lose in June by default because I am broke, I had to move away and I have no lawyer. This makes me very sad. Family court decisions should not be based on finances and who has the most money. Before all this, I had ZERO debt. Now I am looking at probably having to file bankruptcy. A child should not be separated from the mother who raised her for the first 12 years of her life due to being poor and broke – in large part due to the family court system. I feel so beat down. I trusted the system and how wrong I was. I knew my ex-husband would be treated well because he is a police officer. But, I guess deep down, I thought that common sense, logic, a 12 year mother daughter bond and the actual laws of Florida would have to be followed. I trusted that I would have “my day” in court where I would be able to speak as my ex-husband has been allowed to do, that I would be able to bring up all of my concerns and all of the horrible things that my ex-husband has done but that day never came for me. $17,000 and it never came.

  

 

I sit here lost and confused. I paid the lawyers every dime I had and also what I didn’t, I moved, I gave up a job, I took out loans, I broke leases. I did everything asked of me and then some to try and get my baby girl home where she belongs and I got nowhere. In fact, I am worse off now than I was before. I now have “public” visits with a child I raised alone from birth – visits which my ex-husband rarely let me have. Everything has been totally turned around on me to the point I feel like I am living in the “Twilight Zone”. The abuser now points his finger at me and calls ME the abuser. ME?! I now live away from my only child and rarely get to speak to her. She is more distanced from me every day that goes by. Something I begged my lawyers for almost two years to help me stop and no-one cared. I could not afford the high powered lawyers like my ex-husband so I guess I got what I paid for. How sad that in the United States of America, in 2014, the parent that gets to be in the child’s life is the one who can “afford” to fight the legal battle the longest.

 

My child is now being raised by a brand new step-mother who could care less about her. Her father – the one who kidnapped her out of school – does not raise her. He works too much at his Vice and Narcotics Job. He pawns her off on the new step-mother. And, the new step-mother pawns her off to raise their “new” baby. Yes, that is what this whole thing is about. My ex-husband got this woman he knew for 5 months pregnant and had to marry her. Neither one of them liked the $870 per month child support that was going to me. Now that he had a new wife, he could take our daughter. And who cares if it disrupted all our lives? It is all about HIM and what he wants. The narcissist. Always has been. Always will be.

 

 

 

Our daughter now spends her time raising their new baby instead of being a 13 year old. Her education has suffered. I have been kept off of all educational records until recently. I went from being PTA President, Girl Scout Volunteer and Home Room Mom to nothing – overnight – thanks to the alienation tactics of my ex-husband and his new wife. Yes, she has been very over-involved, interfering and downright proactive in alienating me as well. Almost moreso than him at times. I used to be super involved in my daughter’s school and activities. The step-mother is now listed as the mother on MY daughter’s education records and they will not change it even though I have sent them my Drivers License, a notarized letter and a copy of her birth certificate showing me as the mother. I can’t get it changed because of school policy. Only the father who enrolled her can make changes to the school records. And, he lists the step-mother as the mother. The school, in essence, enables the alienator to continue the alienating behaviors. I told the school social worker and she told me not to “worry” about it because it is not as if our daughter “sees” the school records and knows who is listed as the mother. I think she missed the point. It truly amazes me at how uneducated, unaware and ignorant schools, counselors, therapists, lawyers, professionals, Judges and the public in general are when it comes to Parental Alienation.  Parental Alienation is “enabled psychological child abuse”.

 

 

 

 

SO, my questions is, how do I move on when I don’t want too? I don’t want to move on without my daughter. My only child. I go through the motions every day but I can’t be happy. I may have a good moment here and there but it always comes back to the same thing – I miss my daughter and I don’t know how to live this way. I don’t know how to live without her. Before, I always had hope that the court would eventually do the right thing and this whole nightmare would end. Now, I don’t hold out that hope anymore. So, I am really scared. And, I am really sad. I am lost. I just want my daughter back home where she belongs – with her mother. With ME. I want this so badly. I miss our life together.

 

 

 

I have already missed the last 2 years of her life thanks to this illegal “temporary” court order which violates all Florida case law. A decision that was made by a BIASED Judge who had already been in the news for treating women domestic violence victims like garbage in court. http://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local-news/i-team-investigates/domestic-violence-experts-question-comments-made-by-tampa-judge

A decision that was made solely because my ex-husband was financially better off than I was and I was struggling financially. A Judge who has shown extreme bias and favoritism to my ex-husband because he is a POLICE OFFICER. The Judge did not care about his abuse. All the Judge cared about was my bank account. That does not determine who is the better parent. I was the parent that stuck around. That raised our child. That put in the blood, sweat and tears. Then I got punished for being the broke, struggling single mom. I feel so cheated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All I can do is cry and literally pray for the pain to go away. But it never does. How do I go on when I don’t want too? How? I don’t know how I will ever be happy again. Unlike my ex-husband, and his new wife, I am not in this fight for the “money” or to “win” or to “get back” at anyone. Unlike my ex-husband, I was also not in this fight to have a “do-over” or to get a “second chance” to be a parent when I CHOSE to never be there for the first 12 years. Because I WAS there. I DID sacrifice everything to be there for my daughter and to be a full time parent. So, I don’t need a do-over. I was ONLY in this fight because of the “love”. The love that I have for my daughter. Therefore, this hurts me on a different level and they know that. It is downright cruel. It is cruel to our daughter to deny her her only mother. A mother who raised her. For me it is not about money, child support, getting revenge, getting a do-over when I was never there before because NOW I am ready to be a parent. It hurts me on a different level. It shreds my heart and soul. I have had to learn to live half-alive.

How do I move on when I don’t want too? I am not ready to give up on my daughter. I am not ready to quit fighting. But in my heart and soul, in my wallet, I know the fight is over. I know I have lost in the “family court” system. It hurts me so much. I feel like I really let my daughter down. I feel like such a failure because I could not afford a high powered lawyer to  fight for us. I tried my best and my best was not good enough. I tried to play by the “family court” rules and lost. I miss my daughter and the pain is unbearable. I don’t want to move on without my beautiful daughter. I love her so much. I miss her. My heart hurts.

 

 

 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/syndicatednews/2011/01/06/jennie-and-her-daughter-addie-tell-their-parental-

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/syndicatednews/2011/01/06/jennie-and-her-daughter-addie-tell-their-parental-

Mom and daughter tell their story of parental alienation.