Former Wife’s Emergency Motion for Contempt/Enforcement and for Appointment of Alienation Expert

So here I am. On a gray, rainy and cold day looking at yet another 14 page Emergency Motion for Contempt to be filed with the court. My lawyer has recently prepared this and wants me to review it so that she can file it. I used to get so excited over these. Because I thought it meant surely change would now happen. Surely, my ex-husband would be held accountable now. Surely, the Judge would now see my ex-husband as clearly as I do. But, this is my 5th one in 18 months. I don’t get excited anymore. Now I just shrug my shoulders and dread even reading it and editing it. What is the point? All it does is remind me how horribly my daughter and myself have been treated by the family court system and how I have no control over it. Besides, as usual, my lawyer has waited so long that it is likely pointless anyhow. We never set hearings on my motions so they usually never even get heard. The one we did set in the past to be heard, my ex-husband cancelled an hour before the hearing saying he could not make it. Knowing that I had driven 1000 miles and taken 3 days off of work to travel and attend. Knowing that I could not afford to do this again. It is the game of Legal Abuse. Abusive ex-spouses know how to manipulate the court system to drag it out and delay accountability. My ex-husband is particularly adept at this since he is a Vice and Narcotics Detective and is very familiar with the court system process. At that time, my lawyer encouraged me just to roll over, give up my contempt motion and make a deal with my ex-husband for the summer. My ex-husband’s lawyer offered that if I dropped my contempt against him, then I could have my daughter for 2 weeks in the summer. Since my lawyer never argued for me to have my daughter for the entire summer like I had begged her too (she never opened her mouth in court), I was now left with a choice – re-set the contempt hearing (and travel and take more days off work) OR see my daughter for 2 weeks in the summer.

Being a desperate mom who missed her child, I took the deal. 2 weeks with my child was more important to me that holding him accountable in court. That is what a mom does. If we do set a hearing, it is usually so far off into the future before we can manage to actually get a hearing that I can’t remember all the details, there are too many details for all to be heard in court or the Judge just plain does not care anymore. Judge’s do not care about what happened last month or last year. They do not care to see the pattern of contempt over a period of time. They should as it reflects the poor character and bad intentions of the alienating parent. This should be important in deciding who gets custody. In fact, it states in the laws of Florida that it IS important and to be considered. But, it is not. Another little myth of family court is that the Judges have to follow the family court laws. Not true. My lawyer was trying to weave one of my other contempt motions in at the first part of our trial which started in December 2013. We did not even have time at the trial for the trial. Why was this contempt not handled prior to trial? Lord knows my ex-husband has been in contempt for 18 straight months. He stopped paying child support, denied me visits, phone calls, holidays and all right of first refusal time. He controlled and interfered constantly. I could go on about the contempt and incompetent representation all day. My ex-husband has a very expensive, bull dog, AV rated, board certified lawyer who knows how to delay, bluff, manipulate the system and aggressively fight for his clients. I could not afford that kind of lawyer. His bull dog lawyer does not care about my little girl being raised by a brand new step mom instead of her own mother. Neither does the Judge. The Judges only care about what happened last week so it is very very very important that your lawyer does not delay drafting motions and setting hearings for you. If they do, it ruins your case. That is what has happened to me. My abusive ex-husband has gotten away with 18 months of emotionally abusive and controlling behavior due to my lawyer not actively filing motions and setting hearings for me. It has not only ruined my court case but also allowed my ex-husband to have more time to continue alienating me from my only daughter and ruining our once close and loving mother daughter relationship. The lawyers do not care. Believe me. Lawyers do not want to draft motions and attend hearings if they are afraid they are not going to get paid for them. Those parents who cannot afford to aggressively defend or fight their case in court, generally lose in family court. And, so does the child. I have a feeling that with the biased Judge I have, it would possibly not matter anyhow. He decided from day one that my motions and my evidence were not important. He decided from day one that he would hand my precious and scared little girl over to her abusive father because he was a police officer and was seen as being above me in importance. This Judge demeaned me and humiliated me in court time and time again. He never did this to my ex-husband, the cop. In fact, he has given my ex-husband complete and total control over me for the last 18 months using my daughter as a tool to hurt me repeatedly. A real treat for a controlling, vindictive, narcissistic abuser like my ex-husband.

This is the truth guys. I am not some horrible, abusive, drug addict, alcoholic, mentally unstable mom who is just bitter that my ex-husband is winning in family court. I was a great mom who raised my daughter alone for the first 12 years of her life. I was good enough then. But for some reason, I am not good enough now. Oh wait. I do know the reason. The reason is because now my ex-husband wants our daughter. 12 years after the fact. A day late and a dollar short. He has a new wife now, a new baby and the child support he used to pay me seems to now be a burden for him and his new stay at home wife. Even though they live in a 3800 square foot home, just bought a brand new SUV and take expensive trips to places like Marco Island and stay in nice resorts. And this reason is clearly good enough for our biased Judge. For almost 18 months I had to sit virtually silent in the court room and never got to state my case or my side or even defend myself against all of the false allegations and lies my ex-husband told about me. It was always HIS motion and HIS hearing and therefore, I could say nothing. I had to wait 18 months until trial which is ludicrous. And even then, my ex-husband got to speak first and I was left with about 2 hours at the end of the day to speak and the Judge interrupted me every 10 seconds and raked me over the coals. He did not interrupt my ex-husband one time. So, now I have to review this new motion of contempt AND we have now added to appoint an alienation expert as well. The alienation expert would have never been needed if my lawyer would have handled my case in an expedient fashion. The alienation would not have been allowed to happen. I can’t afford the expert so I don’t know what will happen. And who knows what they will say? My ex-husband is a very smooth talking and charming person. He lies well – even under oath. He has had a lot of practice. I am just a normal mom. PTA and Girl Scouts kind of mom. I am not a smooth talker. I don’t know how to manipulate the system. I never wanted too. All I wanted was my little girl safe and at home with me, the mom who has raised her. So, I don’t know what will happen with this. And sadly, I am becoming so numb to it and “used to” the abuse that I don’t have the fight in me anymore.

I never even got to see her face ……..

I am heartbroken. Please say this prayer for me today. I have been trying to reach out to my 13 year old daughter for a month now. All I have received is a short text here or there in response to mine. She never reaches out to me first. She has called me one time since I last saw her on 1/25/2014. I was just texting her on ooVoo and also sending her messages on Facebook a few minutes ago asking if I could video call her and she said I could. I went back and forth with texts and messages to her – trying to pin down a time with her. She blew most of them off even though I could see that she was online and reading them. She finally responded again and told me that I could call her in 3 minutes. I got so excited. I ran to the mirror and fixed my hair. I wanted to look “good” for the call. I watched the clock for exactly 3 minutes so I would not call too early or too late. I was so desperate for the call.

But, once again, I got my hopes up only to get crushed. I called her 3 or 4 times, no answer. Once it looked like she cancelled my call from her end before even answering it. So, I texted and sent her messages on Facebook again letting her know that I tried calling. She responded that she was sorry but she was doing homework. Ahhh, that is the standard excuse. Always the “homework”. I told her that was OK and I only wanted to talk to her for a minute just to see how she is because I have not talked to her in so long and I miss her so much. I told her this so she would know that I would not interrupt her homework too much. No response. I tried again and again. She finally answered but all I saw was the new baby in the background and my daughter’s shirt. I asked her “what are you doing” and she said “I am changing P*****”.

Ahhh, babysitting the new half baby sister again. Her father’s “do-over”, “second chance” later in life baby. The chance to “do it right” now that he has passed the age of 40. All I could see was a blur and then I heard her say “ewwww, this is messy” and “Mom, can I call you back later”?. I said “of course” in a fake happy voice. I never even got to see her face. Guess taking care of a new half-sibling is time consuming. I hear through the grapevine that she cares for the new baby a lot. But, what about the homework? I also heard her new, same age step-sister giggling in the background. They are fast friends now. But hated each other for the first year.

I guess my daughter has adjusted after 18 months of isolation from me and immersion in them. PARENTAL ALIENATION.

Needless to say, she has not called me back. I guess I can put my hair back up in the scrunchie bun. I don’t need to look good anymore. I doubt there will be a return call and I don’t dare get my hopes up again. At least here in South Carolina, I don’t have to deal with her father’s abuse and nasty emails and text messages as often. And, I don’t have the weekly pain and heartache of having only a few hours worth of a public visit with her only to have to return her back to him. That is, if he let me have my visit that day. If I am going to be cut out of her life in every way a mother can be, then I may as well do that from South Carolina.

Today, I saw a screenshot of my daughter’s Facebook account. I am not friends with her on Facebook due to the grief from her father. However, she is apparently friends with her step-mother on Facebook. The step-mother wrote a post tagging my daughter and her own 3 kids on Valentines Day saying how “they” love “their kids” and to have a happy Valentines Day. She also got her typical “religious” on by talking about wishing them blessings, etc. If they “loved” her and truly believed in God, would they cut her mother out of her life and drag us both through the mud as they have and still are doing? Hypocrisy at its finest. Funny, I did not even get to speak to my daughter on Valentines Day. Or her Birthday. Or any other day this past month. Is that them showing her love? Is that them showing her all about God and his blessings? That sure is an interesting religion. One hides behind a BADGE and the other hides behind GOD. And when did MY daughter become HER “kid”. Oh, that’s right. When my ex decided 18 months ago that I was no longer her mother.

This is my life on a daily basis. Hopes crushed. Sadness. Grief. Tears. Hopelessness. Fear. Defeat. I love you, KJ. No matter what.

Love, your Mama

Gone but not forgotten ….

Tonight I am sad. My 13 year old daughter has not responded to any of my texts on ooVoo the last few days. The only time she responded was on Friday night when she had a random question for me about someone I used to date and she got angry because I did not answer the question properly. The truth was, I was scared that her father – the abusive alienator – was behind the question so I was not sure “how” to answer her question out of fear and anxiety. This is what life has become. I have to question even the simplest of random questions now for fear the abusive alienator is behind them, scheming and plotting. I have been trying to reach my daughter for almost a month now. I know nothing about her life from the last month. Nothing. It hurts me that she does not want to share any of her life with me. That she would rather share it with the abusive alienator and his new wife. She is online all the time so it is not as if she cannot reach out to me. It used to be that way in the past. The first 8 months or so after she was kidnapped out of school – and yes, sweet pea, there IS such a thing as parental kidnapping – she constantly tried to reach out to me and they stopped her and retaliated against her for talking to me, for telling me things, for contacting me and opening up to me. No-one cared. The Judge did not care. The Lawyers did not care because I did not have enough money to fight it in court. The abusive alienator does not have to strong arm her and physically control her anymore (ie: closely monitor her phone calls, IPOD and computer 24/7) as he used to do because after 18 long months of unfettered, severe parental alienation, she is now completely under his control. Sadly, she does not even realize this. She is unaware that she has been completely used as a pawn and manipulated over the past 18 months (slowly, little by little, day by day, insidiously) in order to hurt, abuse and mistreat me. She does not understand her father’s vindictiveness and the level of hate he has towards me. That he would do anything to destroy me – emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. She appears to have forgotten all of the things that her father – the abusive alienator – and his equally abusive alienating wife has done. To her. To me. In her quest to SURVIVE the kidnapping, retaliation and alienation, she has forgotten or swept under the rug all of the strong arm tactics used by her father and his new wife in the beginning. I could not get any relief or justice through the courts and she sadly gave up after awhile. I don’t blame her one bit. I gave up too. I gave up on this corrupt family court system. But, I will never give up on her.  I believe that after awhile it was just much easier for her to go with the abusive alienators flow then try to continue having a relationship with me – the mother who raised her. She has been told numerous lies about me. That I am mentally unstable. That she was not kidnapped. That I left her and don’t care. That if I cared about her, I would have moved back. That I think I am the “victim” when I am not. She has been told all these things by the abusive alienator and his wife, over and over. They don’t have to say these things anymore because she is under their complete control now. So, of course, when the Judge asked her if they had done all of these things, she said NO and my heart broke.

That is the product and end result of unfettered parental alienation over the course of 18 straight months. It is child abuse. She may truly not remember the things they have said and done or she may have just given up. I don’t blame her and I hope she knows that. She is the true victim in all of this. Just a child who has been used and abused by a horribly selfish father, equally selfish grandparents and a corrupt family court system that is driven by the almighty dollar.

The alienators are all delighted that she no longer reaches out to me. They are delighted that they were able to delay and manipulate this entire case over the past 18 months until the point that I had no choice but to give up and walk away. They are happy to have cut her mother out of her life. They are thrilled that the Judge was so cruel to me and totally biased to her father – the abusive alienator – because he is a police officer. My daughter does not know any of this. She does not know that our Judge is so horrid that ABC Action News even published an article on him in the newspaper and online for being completely unprofessional and biased in the court room towards women victims of domestic violence. Treating the victim like the criminal instead of the other way around. She does not know any of this. She thinks her dad has her right now because he is “right” and I am “wrong”. Just as he has told her. I can’t clarify any of that to her because then I would be discussing “court” and I would be in contempt. I can only pray that one day she sees the truth. That she becomes educated on the research that has been done regarding the effects of parental alienation on children. I love you sweet pea, always and no matter what. You are not to blame. I will always be here for you.

FAMILY COURT “TEMPORARY” ORDERS THAT DRAG ON FOR YEARS ARE UNCONSTITUTIONAL AND VIOLATE OUR RIGHTS AND OUR CHILDREN’S RIGHTS

This is EXACTLY what has happened to ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I am still on a “temporary” order going on 2 years now. Of course, no-one will want to “interrupt” my daughter’s life now after 2 years. Even though it was OK that it was interrupted when she was legally kidnapped. This is EXACTLY what has happened to me to a tee. Still on a “temporary” order 2 years later and meanwhile my child has been alienated from me and brainwashed (Stockholm Syndrome, Trauma Bonding, Parental Alienation Syndrome).

Of course, no one will want to interrupt her life now, 2 years later. The abuser will win by default and I will end up bankrupt. I 100% agree with this lawyer. These temporary orders should be UNCONSTITUTIONAL. Ruining lives every day. PLEASE SHARE THIS TO EDUCATE AND BRING AWARENESS.

 

FROM “SAFE KIDS INTERNATIONAL” FACEBOOK PAGE:

 

Attorney Michelle MacDonald Contests “Temporary” Orders Depriving Protective Mom of Rights in U.S. Supreme Court
“[T]his United States Supreme Court has provided definitive guidelines for child custody, as a parent’s Constitutional right t…o exercise, which every state in the Union can choose to ignore, as long as the order is ‘temporary.’
…Family Courts routinely generate ‘temporary’ orders which carry on without expiration, and may represent persistent violations of parent’s Constitutional right to the care custody and control of their offspring.
…Lower [Family] courts do not have the discretion to temporarily ignore a fit parent’s fundamental rights protected by the Federal and State Constitution just because custody proceedings are pending.”
From: Petition for Rehearing file:///C:/Users/owner/Downloads/UnitedStatesSupremeCourtPetitionRehearing.pdf
*Note: It is a common family court tactic to take kids away from Protective Mothers “temporarily”, which ends up being for a very long time. [Later the judge often uses the fact that s/he does not want to disrupt the children’s lives by giving custody back to mom.]

This achieves the first step in the silencing/Stockholming process: Isolate the victims from anyone who supports their accounts of abuse. This enables the perpetrator (with or without help from corrupt court-appointed psychologists) to coerce, threaten, brainwash and/or Stockholm the child(ren) into recanting (or at least staying quiet about) the abuse.

This U.S. Supreme Court petition filed yesterday in the Rucki case may help to make these “temporary” orders unconstitutional.

UNCHECKED AND UNBALANCED. Who polices the police? Who judges the judge?

WHERE is the accountability in family court? My ex-husband is a law enforcement officer (CONTROLLING NARCISSIST) who is in contempt of every single court order that we have from child support to visitation to phone calls to therapy. He was caught lying under oath. The judge continues to look the other way and allow it to continue.  The judge has not followed Florida law or Florida case law in making his decisions. He is blatantly biased towards my ex-husband – his “law enforcement” colleague. He has allowed severe parental alienation and assisted my ex-husband in permanently damaging my once close and loving relationship with my daughter by allowing him to be in contempt and alienate me for an extended period of time. Who polices the police? Who judges the judges? Where is the ACCOUNTABILITY?!?! It is SHAMEFUL what is allowed to go on in family courts ALL OVER THE WORLD. Abuse of power, Abuse of discretion, Connections, Control, Perjury, Parental Alienation (STOCKHOLM SYNDROME, TRAUMA BONDING, BRAINWASHING, EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE). As long as it continues to go on virtually UNCHECKED, it will only get worse. The abusers become emboldened when they continue to “get away” with it. That is why our founding fathers knew that “checks and balances” were crucial. It is SHAMEFUL that here we are in 2014 with a family court system as UNCHECKED and UNBALANCED as it is. #PARENTSWHOALIENATEOTHERPARENTSHAVENARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER

This says it all regarding the legal child abuse and torture known as Parental Alienation.

https://www.facebook.com/notes/wendy-archer/supporting-a-friend-during-parental-alienation/10150111279084417

Amen!!!

I say this prayer for myself and ALL of the other alienated moms out there suffering right now. Sadly, I know there are many. I love you and miss you terribly my little punkin’ 😦

Disconnected …… in more ways than one

Well, cable was just shut down so no TV. Internet will be next so I may not be able to blog for awhile. Just sent email to lawyer letting her know that she will have to text or call me if she needs me as no more internet access soon. Also let her know that I don’t think it is fair that I am expected to maintain a larger, more expensive 2 bedroom apartment as if I had my daughter in order to get her back yet my ex has decided he no longer has to pay his child support. 3 months past due going on 4. He has requested to stop paying it 3 or 4 times now and since the judge never agreed to that (yet) he has decided on his own to grant his motion. Typical abusive, controlling police officer. This has been his plan all along. To frustrate me emotionally by using the only thing I love and care about (my daughter) and to bankrupt me financially and force me to give up on my only child. As we all know in family court, you have to be able to afford to BUY justice and BUY your child back. A child that NEVER should have been taken from her mother in the first place. I am sure him not paying child support is OK with his police department also. After all, it is only a civil matter and civil contempt of court is not important to them. It is his way or no way and always has been. Judge can’t see his control issues by now? Of course, my lawyer sits back and does nothing even though I have been begging for help for months. I guess $10,000 in legal fees in 8 months is not enough for her to fight for me. I should have saved that money and paid the rent and cable/internet. I would have had the same results in court anyhow. This was preventable. If I had the child support, I would not be struggling this bad. I am still expected to maintain this 2 bedroom apartment, furnish it, feed her, buy her clothes, etc. but with no support. My ex makes more than 3 times what I make. I also told my lawyer that I am having to now cancel visits with my daughter as “public” visits are very expensive and I just can’t afford it. I easily spend $50 on an all day weekend visit with having to provide 2 meals plus entertainment and gas driving around town and around $20 on the week night visit. I just simply can’t afford it. How sad that I was forced to quit a perfectly good job in Destin, spent thousands to move back down here to Tampa since my daughter was kidnapped (as the biased judge let my ex ‘change his mind’ and revoke the notarized consent (lawful contract) that he had previously given me to relocate with my daughter and also revoked my court order that another judge gave me giving me permission to relocate), pay thousands in legal fees, rent and furnish 2 bedroom apartment in nice area of town and what do I have in return? Less visits than I had before and no child support. At this point, I feel like I have to fight my own lawyer who I pay to fight for me. She so obviously gave up on my case a long time ago. I just can’t fight everyone anymore. I am exhausted. This whole system makes me sick. I am in the financial gutter now. I can’t pay rent this month. I am going to have to move soon – away from my daughter and in with a friend in another state – so that I can try to get back on my feet financially. I am sure this will be held against me also even though my ex delayed and delayed the case creating excessive legal fees (trial now delayed again until late April or May) and did not pay child support which contributed greatly to me having to make this decision. Amazing, I had a good job, no debt and a perfectly good apartment in Destin less than a year ago. Family court + vindictive ex-husband + ignorant biased judge = a mother’s broken heart and spirit, financial ruin and a permanently damaged and severed 12 year mother/daughter relationship. All because my ex got someone he knew 5 months pregnant and had a shotgun marriage at the court house and now that he has a new baby, a built in babysitter/step-mom to raise our daughter, he has decided he is NOW ready to be a “daddy” and the biased judge is allowing it. 12 years too late to walk in and be daddy, IMO. Where were you the first 12 years of her life? Oh that’s right, you were busy focusing on YOU and working your way up at the police department and bar hopping with friends while I was raising our daughter full time with no help. As always, my heart remains shattered in a million pieces. I don’t think it is even repairable at this point. My advice for all of you, if you are ever in a similar situation, is do not go to court for help or justice. If you are in family court, self-help (like my ex has done) is definitely the way to go. That is what I have learned from this whole experience. You are better off doing that then trying to be honest and play by the rules. Do not go to court for justice because you will not get it.

The Parental Alienation Roller Coaster ……..

I cry out of the blue. I get angry out of the blue. I hear things that trigger reminders of the hell that I have been going thru for the past 16 months and my mood shifts from sad to optimistic to angry. The daily parental alienation roller coaster …….. I would not wish this pain on anyone. My fear is that I don’t ever see an end in sight. Even after my daughter is 18 and an “adult” by law, this permanent damage cannot be undone. You can’t un-ring the bell. Just makes me so so sad that our lives are forever altered and not in a good way. I get so frustrated. Why did she have to say what she said in court? I know she was coached. I know she was brainwashed. I know she was intimidated and harassed for 16 months by her father, his new wife, their friends and family. I know I have wanted to give up more than once so I am sure she has too. I just hoped so badly that she would remember and tell the truth about everything. I am so sad that she is so tainted that she unknowingly threw me under the family court bus. Why would she say she wants to live with her father for the “majority” of the time? Doesn’t she know any problems that we have can be worked out? Problems that are a direct result of the last 16 months of HIS constant interference and manipulation. It breaks my heart. Is the built in step-sister / BFF so much fun that it trumps her mom? Is having a new baby half sister such a fun and new novelty that her mom does not matter anymore? Is it all that plus the lack of supervision at their house that she likes – such as she can stay up until 3am with her step-sister and watch scary movies and social network on all kinds of internet sites? She is only 12 so that worries me constantly yet I have no control to be able to protect her. I don’t have the money or the spirit to continue this fight or re-start this fight at a later date should she ever “change her mind” at some point in the future and want to come back home so I can only now pray for her happiness, safety and well-being at their home. I feel like I have to move forward with my life, start rebuilding (financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually) and find a way to accept what has happened. I feel like I have fought as hard as I could with everything I had for as long as I could. Including having to fight my own lawyers to try and get them to take action for me and move my case along. It is just exhausting. Now I am having to not only fight a vindictive, pathological lying ex-husband; his psychotic, interfering, controlling new wife; and selfish, hateful maternal grandparents (my former adoptive parents who support my ex and whom I lovingly refer to as the grandpigs – I tend to create nicknames for all the hateful and toxic people in my life – the best part is hearing my friends use those nicknames too – it just sounds funny when they do it) but also my own alienated daughter. I have a feeling that tonight is going to be “one of those nights”. Sigh. Praying that I can get some sleep tonight. Also, praying for my daughter to see the truth. To remember the truth about the things her father did to us in the past. To remember our love. To miss me. To think about me. To remember our life together. I am probably being greedy but I can’t help it. Those are the things I pray and wish for tonight and every day. I love you sweet girl. My door is always open. My heart is always open.

So true.